Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Duck Duck Cougar?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
