I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize