Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
