do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
