Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
