she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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