My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
