My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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