I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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