i just had sex bonerless
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
