idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
