Kareoke will never be a sober sport
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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