Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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