so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
