those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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