Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
