Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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