I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize