bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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