i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
