You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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