wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
