so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Randomize
