Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
