and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
