I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
