He asked to "fluff my boner.."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
