Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
