I hate your face
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
