We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
