I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
