oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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