sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
