So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
