You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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