This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have grass duct taped all over my body
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize