I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This gyro tastes like lonliness
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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