wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude i'm inner monologue high
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
