are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
