you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
