He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
