I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
