I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
