Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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