They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
