Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
