Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
