Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your cock deserves a montage
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
