Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Define "chronic" masturbator.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
