Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your penis caused this!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
