Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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