turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
