I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
