i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
