No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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