Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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