i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Farmville is her only friend.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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