I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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