I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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