life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
