im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
