you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
