easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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