My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
