i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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