My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
