Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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