ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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