so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
