I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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