I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
