is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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