i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
