You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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