Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i think i just lost a toe
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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