It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
