is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
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And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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